THE HAPPY MASK
When you wake up
everymorning it’s midnight.
*
When he was in the ninth
grade, Brian Cloch pushed my father off a stage. He landed on top of his arm, it
was S-shaped. I study the stitches that zip the bicep,
a centipede buried beneath the skin.
*
We are in the parking
lot, crickets like pebbles turning over. My mother has something in her hair.
*
I own the happy mask
shop. I travel far and wide in search of masks.
*
You have no illusions.
You rise at the earliest light to gold the bread and score the avocados. You rub
your fingers together—the flour thinning—at the tips.
When he wakes,
you are goring
the lemons
of their sting.
*
You look just
like your father. Yours is his nose. It is also
the wild look
in your eyes when you are taken by rage.
It is the
grating of your rage. The grasping of your rib cage.
*
Three of us in the room.
Between exhaled smoke we talk about broken pairs.
*
The lemons are not ready
yet, I tell you, though I am lying. If you pursued the truth you could smell it
on my hands. My cuticles are thrumming from the citrus.
*
He asphyxiated from the
exchange. Too much smoke, the room is too small, in this household, why have
our eyes turned to pools rimmed with rust?
*
The lemons are in a sack
beneath the stairs. One day we will beat each other with them like bars of soap
in a bag, like bullets. But there are lies you must tell for protection.
*
You come in with coffee
and a wild look. After you break the cornflower porcelain, we sit among
the ruins.
*
We are in the parking
lot, crickets simmering like an electric fence. There is a piece of avocado in
her hair. I laugh and try to pick it out. She flinches at my reach.
*
My father used
to pitch a fastball.
In athletics my
arm was eternally disappointing.
In the kitchen,
his was not.
*
There are no lemons or avocados
in Illinois, not in the trees.
*
Everything is a gun used
the right way.
*
Car parked,
smoke blooming
out the
windows. If we leave
the windows up,
the pressure
will run our
eyes to rust.
We crack them,
though it disturbs
the ritual
asphyxiation.
*
I practice stillness in
my face. I prefer it with my eyebrows up, but this rustles my hair, and there
must be silence. If I stare long enough I believe I am the bottom of a well.
*
The lemons are
beneath the stairs, sagging in the paper sack.
The darkness
makes them ripe, they are sweetening the air.
The lemons are
becoming harder to hide. They are sagging
in the paper
sack beneath the stairs.
*
She is shaking. She wants
to tell me this is what it was like being shot, but she does not know that I
know that she has ever been shot. She has discovered that not all
bullets are made of metal. For example, lemons may be thrown. Avocados explode
on impact.
*
Are we to hear
the word bloom and think eruption?
Are we to smash
avocado with our fists in the kitchen?
Are we to
remember green flung onto the cabinets like intestines blown apart?
*
The writhing insect of
his throwing arm. The avocado in my mother’s hair.
*
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